Forgotten Days

It couldn't have been more than three hours after Michelle went to sleep that she woke up with a sudden feeling of anxiety.  More than a few nights a week for as long as Michelle could remember, she couldn't make it through the entire night without waking up.  Once awake, she would lay there staring blankly into the darkness of her room trying to imagine what excuse she could use to go into her parent's room just around the corner and wake them up to ask if she could sleep with them.  Michelle knew that she didn't even have to ask because once they heard her coming, her Mom would tell her Dad, "Michelle is here Dan."  At that point her Dad would basically sleepwalk out of bed while Michelle jumped into the warm spot that her Dad was just in.  Michelle didn't know what it was but it was something about laying next to her Mom that made her feel safe and warm and instantly calm and happy enough to fall back asleep without any problems.

This night was different however.  Michelle still woke up at her usual time in the middle of the night, but while she was staring into the darkness deciding if she was going to say that she had a nightmare or that she fell off her bed, she heard soft crying coming from somewhere.  At this point she was more than wide awake and wanted to just run out and find her Mom and make sure everything was okay.  She jumped out of bed and moved towards her bedroom door when she tripped over Max.  Max, Michelle's dog, was the most beloved thing Michelle had been able to call her own at seven years old.  As usual, he was barely startled when her small frame tripped over him.   Seeing that Max chose Michelle's room to snuggle up in for the night, her nerves were immediately calmed.  She decided that she could listen for a bit longer before running to her mom, grabbing a blanket and laying on the wood floor snuggled against Max.

Once Michelle stopped moving around and got comfortable with her dog, she could really start to listen.  The crying had not stopped, yet she heard something else now too.  Her Dad was talking over the person that was crying, yet it was less like talking and more like scolding, he was angry.  Michelle knew that tone and knew that it had to be her Mom that was crying.  Michelle loved her Mom more than anything and couldn't control herself when she too started to cry and held Max even tighter.  It seemed like a thousand questions started running through her sleepy head: Why was her Mom crying with her Dad in the living room in the middle of the night?  Why was her Dad using that same tone of voice that he usually uses when they are in the middle of one of their countless fights during the day?  Why wasn't her Dad trying to make her Mom feel better?  Did he try and make Michelle feel better when she cried?  Michelle couldn't even remember right now because her chest was so tight.  She had this sinking feeling she couldn't explain and was so happy that she had Max with her at that moment.  Michelle just wished that it was a regular night and she wished she could go and lay in the big warm bed next to her Mom and fall back asleep until she heard her Mom's alarm go off at 5:05.  All that she knew was the Max hadn't even woken up yet so that must mean that everything was still okay. 

family matters, minus steve urkel

So my brother works for a music entertainment company which has kept him living on a tour bus for the past few months.  However, this past weekend the show he was working was in nyc so luckily he, my mom, and I found the time to have dinner together for the first time probably since I graduated in May.  I've never had that family that comes home every night and hangs out together and chats about the awesome panini you had for lunch and the weird thing Tom said at work that day.  We all let the busyness of life win the majority of the time...all generally function on different and totally wacked out time schedules... and all always wanted chicken, spaghetti or just a bowl of cereal for dinner on different days of the week.  These kinds of things were a part of our routine, our traditions if you will...sitting down for dinner tonight however felt pretty good.  My brother and I are like peas and carrots (stolen from Gump) and I certainly love and miss having him around.  We were talking about the next time he was going to be back in New York and suddenly my mom blurted out, "Dan and Joan are not going to be in NY for Christmas by the way, they're staying at their house in Florida this year."
I can't expect you to understand the weight of this statement but just know that I could write a whole bunch o blogs about the "bon vivant" experiences I've had at Dan and Joan's house on Christmas every year for all of the years I can remember.  This is huge and shocking and sad and weird and bad news for my brother and me.  Dan and Joan are not even technically "family members" but because my mom has maybe 3 and a half 'normal' members in her family and my dad is foreign (so his family has their own very French Christmas traditions), D&J are those friends of your parents that you wish were actually your family and call them aunt and uncle anyway.  I still cannot seem to shake it from my mind which is consistently focused on: no but seriously, what are we going to do for Christmas?
This whole situation has me once again thinking about and questioning life's changes and comfort levels and traditions and what we're all "used to" and why we as human beings absolutely live for routines in so many ways.  Is it the end of the world that we won't spend Christmas eating home-made lasagna and drinking Jack Daniel's when we're cold sitting on the porch playing some strange game where my brother and I can use our brother/sister skills to dominate? No, I guess it's not...I mean there have been changes that we have dealt with before...like the first Christmas my parents were not together but both came to the Christmas party at D&J's and the first year my dad decided to move to Florida and not be at the traditional party and the year that I was dating Edmund and left early and missed out on a whole bunch of bon vivant at D&J's.  It's just weird to think about...maybe next year my brother's going to be in Louisiana with his girlfriend's family for Christmas and maybe next year I'll be living and working overseas and will secretly almost be happy that D&J aren't having their Christmas party because at least I'll know I won't be missing it.  There's really just no way of knowing.  It's weird when the same week you turn 22 on the 22nd and you're in grad school not loving it and you're having a sit down dinner of Chinese food for the first time in months with your family and you find out your Christmas tradition has been 86ed and you're legitimately sad.  Cheers to another part of my "bon vivant" experiences in the future involving being a bit more open to such changes.  My mom is cute though, she said: "I'll cook anything you want on Christmas!"  followed up by a quick "Well, maybe."

REVISED!

According to James Baldwin, "I am what time, circumstance, history, have made of me, certainly, but I am also, much more than that. So are we all."   In other words, although who we are as people is dependent upon the circumstances of the time and place we grow up, we still have the potential to surpass these binding constraints.  We exist as individuals outside of what our societies dictate for us.  This is shown to be true in Tim O'Brien's The Things They Carried and Betty Smith's A Tree Grows in Brooklyn.  These authors utilize literary elements such as characterization and point of view to delineate this idea.

In Tim O’Brien’s novel The Things They Carried, O’Brien is both the narrator and the protagonist of stories that are inspired by the Vietnam War.  Over the course of his work, O’Brien’s character develops in a way that illustrates how growing up during the Vietnam War era influences the person O’Brien is.  However, O’Brien’s work also displays how as an individual, O’Brien is “so much more than that.”  Tim O’Brien writes, “…the act of writing had led me through a swirl of memories that might otherwise have ended in paralysis or worse. By telling stories, you objectify your own experience. You separate it from yourself.  You pin down certain truths” (158).  It is clear in this instance that O’Brien is utilizing his abilities to express himself through writing not only to comprehend his life experiences, but also to establish himself as an individual amidst such a tumultuous time period. O’Brien reveals in his work that he had absolutely no intentions of getting involved in the controversial Vietnam War.  As a liberal, he was modestly against the war and had a full ride to graduate school at Harvard when his draft notice arrived in 1968.  Although O’Brien sincerely struggled with the idea of going to war, even almost escaping to Canada, he eventually realizes that he was too “embarrassed” not to go to the war.  The circumstances of American society in the ways that O’Brien would be judged and criticized for dodging his obligations to the government pushes O’Brien to become a person he never intended to be.  American history and its involvement in global affairs made Tim O’Brien a soldier.  While countless soldiers did not even survive to have a life after the war like O’Brien, Tim O’Brien specifically utilizes his circumstances to become so much more than what Vietnam forced him to be.  O’Brien chooses to use his writing as a cathartic means to express and understand with clarity the circumstances of his life as a soldier and how those experiences impact and influence the person he is outside of the war.  It is through this character that we can understand James Baldwin’s statement to be true. 

Betty Smith’s A Tree Grows in Brooklyn utilizes narration and characterization to illustrate the validity of James Baldwin’s expression of what makes human beings.  While Smith utilizes several different narrators throughout the novel, it is clear that Francie Nolan is the protagonist as the novel tracks her growth from an eleven year old kid to a seventeen-year-old young woman.  The setting of the novel stays consistent and is a very descriptive and poignant representation of Williamsburg, Brooklyn in the early 1900s. Smith utilizes this setting, along with Francie’s personal depiction and understanding of a life plagued with immense poverty, to enhance the creation and depth of Francie’s character.  Smith also uses omniscient third person narration to even further enhance our understanding; Smith writes, “A person who pulls himself up from a low environment via the boot strap route has two choices.  Having risen above his environment, he can forget it; or, he can rise above it and never forget it and keep compassion and understanding in his heart for those that he has left behind him in the cruel upclimb” (147).  Francie and her family are definitely a part of the “low environment” that this instance implicates in terms of their economic status.  While Francie and her family never rise above this poverty, Francie’s character is developed in a way that exemplifies how she is “much more” than just a young girl growing up in Brooklyn before the start of WWI.  Growing up under the guidance and direction of two parents that never received an education, and one whose life was ruined by alcohol moved Francie’s life in a specific direction.  While Francie never forgets where she comes from for those influences and circumstances define her everyday life, Francie as a character also exists outside of these environmental constraints.  Much like Tim O’Brien, Francie discovers that her written stories are her way of creating realities that in turn help her understand the truths that define her own amidst these conditions.  Francie’s existence is enhanced by so “much more” than the circumstances of her family, time period, or life in Williamsburg.  Her inherent compassion, her intuition about the goodness of people, and her love for writing exists outside of these time and situational constraints, and thus validates James Baldwin’s claim. 

According to James Baldwin, “"I am what time, circumstance, history, have made of me, certainly, but I am also, much more than that. So are we all."  Clearly, upon analyzing Tim O’Brien’s use of characterization in The Things They Carried, and Betty Smith’s use of narration and characterization in A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, this statement is made valid.  Although both protagonists from these works are undoubtedly influenced and “made” by the circumstances of their environments that they are subjected to, it is also clear how these authors use literary elements to express how these characters exist outside of these constraints.  Both Tim O’Brien and Francie Nolan use writing as a means of establishing their individual selves in an effort to transcend what their lives and time periods have exposed them to.  Tim and Francie exist as “much more” than just faces of their representative circumstances. 

The Critical Lens Essay...grad school style? Not really....

According to James Baldwin, "I am what time, circumstance, history, have made of me, certainly, but I am also, much more than that. So are we all."   In other words, although who we are as people is dependent upon the circumstances of the time and place we grow up, we still have the potential to surpass these binding constraints.  We exist as individuals outside of what our societies dictate for us.  This is shown to be true in Tim O'Brien's The Things They Carried and Betty Smith's A Tree Grows in Brooklyn.  These authors utilize literary elements such as characterization and point of view to delineate this idea.

In Tim O’Brien’s novel The Things They Carried, O’Brien is both the narrator and the protagonist of stories that are inspired by the Vietnam War.  Over the course of his work, O’Brien’s character develops in a way that illustrates how growing up during the Vietnam War era influences the person O’Brien is.  However, O’Brien’s work also displays how as an individual, O’Brien is “so much more than that.”  Tim O’Brien writes, “…the act of writing had led me through a swirl of memories that might otherwise have ended in paralysis or worse. By telling stories, you objectify your own experience. You separate it from yourself.  You pin down certain truths” (158).  It is clear in this instance that O’Brien is utilizing his abilities to express himself through writing not only to comprehend his life experiences, but also to establish himself as an individual amidst such a tumultuous time period. O’Brien reveals in his work that he had absolutely no intentions of getting involved in the controversial Vietnam War.  As a liberal, he was modestly against the war and had a full ride to graduate school at Harvard when his draft notice arrived in 1968.  Although O’Brien sincerely struggled with the idea of going to war, even almost escaping to Canada, he eventually realizes that he was too “embarrassed” not to go to the war.  The circumstances of American society in the ways that O’Brien would be judged and criticized for dodging his obligations to the government pushes O’Brien to become a person he never intended to be.  American history and her involvement in global affairs made Tim O’Brien a soldier.  While countless soldiers did not even survive to have a life after the war like O’Brien, Tim O’Brien specifically utilizes his circumstances to become so much more than what Vietnam forced him to be.  O’Brien chooses to use his writing as a cathartic means to express and understand with clarity the circumstances of his life as a soldier and how those experiences impact and influence the person he is outside of the war.  It is through this character that we can understand James Baldwin’s statement to be true. 

Betty Smith’s A Tree Grows in Brooklyn utilizes narration and characterization to illustrate the validity of James Baldwin’s expression of what makes human beings.  While Smith utilizes several different narrators throughout the novel, it is clear that Francie Nolan is the protagonist as the novel tracks her growth from an eleven year old kid to a seventeen-year-old young woman.  The setting of the novel stays consistent and is a very descriptive and poignant representation of Williamsburg, Brooklyn in the early 1900s. Smith utilizes this setting along with Francie’s personal depiction and understanding of a life plagued with immense poverty to enhance the creation and depth of Francie’s character.  Smith also uses omniscient third person narration to even further enhance our understanding; Smith writes, “A person who pulls himself up from a low environment via the boot strap route has two choices.  Having risen above his environment, he can forget it; or, he can rise above it and never forget it and keep compassion and understanding in his heart for those that he has left behind him in the cruel upclimb” (147).  Francie and her family are definitely a part of the “low environment” that this instance implicates in terms of their economic status.  While Francie and her family never rise above this poverty, Francie’s character is developed in a way that exemplifies how she is “much more” than just a young girl growing up in Brooklyn before the start of WWI.  Growing up under the guidance and direction of two parents that never received an education and one whose life was ruined by alcohol moved Francie in a specific direction.  While Francie never forgets where she comes from for those influences and circumstances define her everyday life, Francie as a character also exists outside of these environmental constraints.  Much like Tim O’Brien, Francie discovers that her written stories are her way of creating realities that in turn help her understand the truths that define her own amidst these conditions.  Francie’s existence is enhanced by so much more than the circumstances of her family, time period, or life in Williamsburg.  Her inherent compassion, her intuition about the goodness of people and her love for writing exists outside of these time and situational constraints and thus validates James Baldwin’s claim. 

According to James Baldwin, “"I am what time, circumstance, history, have made of me, certainly, but I am also, much more than that. So are we all."  Clearly, upon analyzing Tim O’Brien’s use of characterization in The Things They Carried and Betty Smith’s use of narration and characterization in A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, this statement is made valid.  Although both protagonists from these works are undoubtedly influenced and “made” by the circumstances of their environments that they are subjected to, it is also clear how these authors use literary elements to express how these characters exist outside of these constraints.  Both Tim O’Brien and Franie Nolan use writing as a means of establishing their individual selves in an effort to transcend what their lives and time periods have exposed them to.  Tim and Francie exist as “much more” than just faces of their representative circumstances.